The latest chapter in the Wizarding World franchise is released today, with the third instalment of the Fantastic Beasts saga, The Secrets of Dumbledore, hitting theatres worldwide.
Frankly, these movies are not that good. And we at the Blueprint wholeheartedly believe that as well as being clear cash grabs that aren’t that well thought out, one of the reasons for that is a severe lack of Hermione Granger quotes.
Over the course of the eight original Harry Potter films, Emma Watson put her whole Hermionussy into some of her lines: lines that ordinarily would have had no significance, but instead have us in a chokehold, over exaggerating our actual British accents to the max to imitate.
Here’s the best Hermione Granger’s line deliveries live in our heads and daily voice notes to each other rent free:
The Philosopher’s Stone
“Are you sure that’s a real spell? Well, it’s not very good, is it?
“You’re saying it WRONG. It’s LeviOsa not LevioSA”
“What. An. Idiot”
“I’ve had you looking in the wrong section, how COULD I be so STUPID? I checked this out weeks ago for a bit of light reading.”
“That’s totally barbaric!”
“Just relax! Trust me!”
“Devil’s Snare, Devil’s Snare, is deadly fun… but will sulk in the sun – thats it! Devil’s Snare hates sunlight!”
“No you can’t! There must be another way!”
Chamber of Secrets
“Fear of a name only increases fear of the thing itself”
“Mandrake or Mandragora is used to return those who have been petrified to their original state. It’s also quite dangerous. The Mandrake’s cry is fatal to anyone who hears it.”
“At least no one on the Gryffindor team had to buy their way in; they got in on pure talent!”
Prisoner of Azkaban
“Use your inner EYE TO SEE THE FUTURE”
“You! You foul, loathsome, evil little cockroach!”
“Is that really what my hair looks like from the back?”
“Awoooooo!!!”
“What are you doing”
“Saving your life! AWOOOOO!”
“Thanks! Great, now he’s coming for us.”
“Yeah, I didn’t think about that…RUN!”
“BOMBARDA!!!!”
“If you want to kill Harry you’ll have to kill us too!”
Goblet of Fire
“Stop it! Can’t you see it’s bothering him? Stop it!!
“YOUR WAND HARRY! YOUR WANDDDD!!!!!!”
“Viktor’s more of a physical being… I just mean he’s not particularly loquacious. Mostly, he watches me study. It’s a bit annoying, actually.”
“I’m not an owl!”
“What’s got your wand in a knot?”
“Where’ve you been? Never mind, off to bed both of you!”
“You know the solution, then, don’t you?”
“Go on”
“Next time there’s a ball, pluck up the courage to ask me before someone else does! And not as a last resort!”
“Ron, you’ve spoiled everything!”
“Fleur never got past ‘ze Grindylows’!”
“Everything’s going to change now, isn’t it?”
Order of the Phoenix
“She’s taking over the entire SCHOOL”
“I’m sure that Harry’s kissing was more than satisfactory”
“Just because you have the emotional range of a teaspoon!”
Half Blood Prince
“He’s been poisoned you daft dimbo!”
“That was clever, Ron!”
Deathly Hallows
“That’ll be the books”
“You complete ARSE Ronald Weasley”
We could go on: Hermione’s best lines tend to be whenever she opens her mouth.
So, yeah – Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore is in theatres today. But we recommend getting your Harry Potter DVDs out instead, and enjoying some good old fashioned Emma Watson gold.
the blueprint. 