There are a few key moments in history everyone will always remember where they were to experience: world tragedies, celebrity deaths, and when Rachel Berry first suggested that the New Directions tackle the concept of original songs.
Way back when she did in the thirteenth episode of Glee’s second season, entitled “Comeback” (though perhaps more notoriously known as the Justin Bieber episode), nobody could have been prepared for the onslaught of original material the Glee songwriting team was going to conjure up over the rest of the season and the show itself, or just how iconic they were going to be – well, most of them.
Like with everything (besides Blueprint posts) there are some duds, but honestly most of Glee’s original content holds up pretty well and is solid. What we’re going to do is figure out what one is our favourite. And, by favourite, we mean best because our opinions are fact at this point.
It was only a matter of time before this post happened, right?
Here are all twenty original songs from Glee, ranked.
20.
Nice to Meet You, Have I Slept With You?
Though we stan April Rhodes in this household, her original song is just too awful not to come dead last. If the lazy rhymes weren’t bad enough, it features a Will Schuester vocal inclusion (a crime punishable by death), and to top it all off it wasn’t even made into a single. Crossrhodes sounds like a stinker if you ask us, although it’s probably better than April’s absolutely mind-boggling idea to do an all-white production of The Wiz.
19.
Rise
We can’t even lie to you, do we remember this song without being prompted? No way. Season 6 had a lot of missteps, too many to count, so it’s not our fault that we blocked it out. But an original song that doesn’t immediately spark joy or even recognition is a total failure. Sorry, Rise, you never stood a chance.
18.
Glitter Rock Vampire
Only Blaine Anderson would storm over to someone’s apartment to tell them to stop flirting with their fiancé and end up in a horrifying jam session. Listen, Darren Criss and Adam Lambert, two of our finest male vocalists, are innocent here, but the entire idea is entirely too cringy to live up to its total camp potential. We wanted a full performance with costumes, lighting, and the angst and hilarity of Blaine and Elliott trying to look menacing while singing a song about a glitter rock vampire.
17.
Extraordinary Merry Christmas
The real extraordinary thing here is that Glee stole random lines from seemingly every Christmas song ever written, spliced them together, and got away with it. That being said, it is actually a great Christmas bop, but as it’s only relevant for one month a year therefore everything else surpasses it. Plus, it furthers the narrative of Glee abandoning its standout supporting characters for extra focus on Blaine and Rachel, which SUCKS.
16.
This Time
Rachel’s final solo in the show, co-written by Darren Criss, is appropriately emotional as she walks through the hallways of McKinley High, reminiscing about her journey since high school, but it feels like an original song stuffed in for this very purpose. Instead of letting Rachel bow out by doing what she did best (imitating one of her idols), the show really tries to tug at the heartstrings and it doesn’t totally work. It’s a good song but, let’s be honest, the only people still emotionally invested in Glee by this point were the super fans who would be sobbing no matter what happened. Someone should’ve told the writers that they didn’t need to try so hard.
15.
All or Nothing
We like this song, but can’t help but feel like it would’ve worked better with a little more narrative weight behind it. Sure, it’s a Regionals showstopper, but Season 4 Regionals had a horrifying setlist, with pop jams I Love It and Hall of Fame preceding the original song. After the energy of those songs, All or Nothing feels a little shoved in there for the sake of showing off an original song and takes away from the flow of the set. Blaine and Marley sounded really good together, though, and it was a shame they didn’t sing together more. A solid original song, but not that memorable and misplaced within the show.
14.
Pretending
Is this so low down because it’s where it genuinely deserves to be or because we can’t not associate it with that excruciating kiss at the end? Perhaps it’s the fact that it was dashed together in the hotel room by a group full of sixteen year-olds a couple of hours before it debuted on stage, but Pretending, though sweet, is a little uninspired.
13.
Only Child
Honestly, would be much lower if not for the line “the only Berry on my family tree”.
12.
As Long As You’re There
The scene itself makes for a nice moment at Nationals, with Sunshine being encouraged to sing her heart out on stage by Rachel, who let’s not forget had formerly sent her to a CRACK HOUSE because she was so threatened by Sunshine’s talent. The song itself is pretty good and adequately displays Sunshine’s vocal skill, but it doesn’t quite mesh with Vocal Adrenaline’s style; the dancing behind Sunshine just looks awkward, they need something with higher energy more akin to Rehab or Bohemian Rhapsody from Season 1 to really show off their talents.
11.
Fondue For Two
Requires a Grammy. Lord Tubbington, more like Lord Snubbington. Next!
10.
Big Ass Heart
Puck, this was risky and we’re still not entirely sold on the concept, but man you did a great job of convincing us. It’s so cheeky and charming, and Lauren loved it so that’s all that matters we guess. Some of the rhymes in this one are hilarious: rhyming “her chest” with “loving pie-eating contest” is absolutely insane. Absolutely does not compute that Noah Puckerman would have the literacy to write something this witty, but it’s a fun scene and the song does get stuck in your head.
9.
Shakin’ My Head
Mercedes channelling Destiny’s Child and complaining about the world while being as fierce as hell is honestly too powerful. It’s bold to rhyme China with vagina (or even bring up China or vaginas in the first place, we suppose), but Amber Riley’s sheer power pulls it off. And there’s representation for the Diet Coke girlies (us)! Bonus points for Chris Colfer’s adorable dancing in the scene itself too, of course.
8.
My Cup
Yes, this is better than Pretending. If Rachel can slay while writing about her headband, then Brittany is allowed to slay while writing about a cup she saw in the hotel room. It’s just an excellent little number that you can’t help but sing along to! Plus, everyone’s reactions are worth paying attention to (Santana in particular). This would’ve clinched Nationals for sure. Life motto: always listen to Brittany S. Pierce.
7.
My Headband
Speaking of Rachel slaying while writing about her headband, this was Glee’s first original song and an unforgettable one at that. They do say you should write about what you know, but Rachel’s attempt at emulating Carole King is just hilarious – imagine if Tapestry was just about fashion accessories. Which, for the record, Rachel, are not your speciality. You should’ve written a song about possessing a hideous sock collection.
6.
Hell to the No
There was a lot riding on a Mercedes original song, and she really came to serve. A little nod to Aretha? It’s a whole lot of whoa. Amber RIley’s voice once again defies the laws of music and just completely elevates this already catchy number. This probably would be higher, but it is so riddled with microaggressions, and from a writing team of all white males… it’s more than a little sketchy.
5.
Outcast
It has a real growing anthem vibe to it that you can’t help but feel. It feels like not only the natural successor to a certain other original song we haven’t mentioned yet, but also like it was written by a teenage girl alone in her room. Despite the catchy hook and good vocal work, the rhymes are uninspired and the message is a little trite, but it fits so well with the ethos of the show that it really works. They should’ve performed this at Regionals instead of All or Nothing. Jamie would like to mention that this song was so stuck in his head upon its release that he listened to it on repeat for six hours straight. Unimportant but shows how much of a jam this is.
4.
Light Up the World
Is it uncreative to repeat “hey hey hey you” every four seconds? Yes. Does that work, though? Yes. Its abrupt ending does lose a few points, but otherwise, LUTW is an undeniable crowd-pleaser through and through. An energetic earworm of a chorus, it’s the kind of song that Glee could have taken all the way to the radio, were it not for the fact that it’s cheesy as hell. Also, take Rachel off it! Add in a little Sam, a lot of Mercedes, more Santana, and get everyone to follow Quinn’s suit with some very slutty dancing, and this could’ve been even higher on the list.
3.
Trouty Mouth
A cultural reset. There is no BC and AD, just BTM and PTM. Maybe the worst thing Will Schuester ever did was deny Santana’s opportunity to sing another verse of this absolute classic masterpiece about the eighth wonder of the world that is Sam Evans’ mouth. Taylor Swift couldn’t do it and I think she stays up every night and listens to Trouty Mouth wishing she wrote it. Trouty Mouth is for the girlies who get it. We love you, Samuel!
Serving fish!
2.
Get It Right
As much as our whole agenda centres around Rachel Berry not getting competition solos every fucking time, she does make a lot of points with this one. It’s narratively focused, Lea Michele sounds really great on it, and it has the anthemic feel that they were looking for. The lyrics, the build-up to the glory note, it all just works. Plus, the manner in which Rachel throws herself to her bed and pulls out her notepad and pen to scribble the lyrics down with tears falling onto the paper gives the performance such a deliciously dramatic context that any once-dramatic teen can relate to.
Plus, we dare you not to break out in chills when Kurt whispers “oh my god they’re doing original songs”.
1.
Loser Like Me
That little guitar at the start kicks in and so do the endorphins. Yes, coming in at first place, the show-stopping, certified bop, Loser Like Me.
As an ode to being the underdog, Loser Like Me encapsulates Glee as a show, as well as honouring the fans who loved it. If you’re sat here reading this, you’re a Gleek – you get it. Is it just a little cringy? Of course, but it’s so unrelentingly fun that like Santana, we don’t care! Do the untelevised lyrics “L-O-S-E-R, I can only be who I are” fill Jamie with a rage that can only be described as monstrous? Yes. But is it a banger? Hell yes! It could even be argued that uncreative lyrics add a level of realism that this anthem was actually written by a bunch of teenagers hours before debuting it on stage. The lyrics are references to Sue Sylvester’s bullying tactics! It’s poetry. And the slushee cup confetti? Inspired.
The song as a whole just can’t not fill you with – dare we say – glee.
So there we have it. Loser Like Me reigns supreme! Honestly, could anything else have taken the crown?
Look, we all know that Glee as a show was a fever dream with many ups and downs – but its original songs are one of several brilliant points made that are undeniable evidence that this chaotic show about a high school show choir was fully deserving of the chokehold it had the world in.
To be bold enough to release their own music after the critical and commercial success of its first season was a risky move that could have failed miserably were the songs not so genuinely good. The writers and the performers managed to tap into something that nobody realised it was missing until they came along. As soon as we all collectively heard the opening verse of My Headband, we were just along for the ride.
This list is living proof that when Glee committed to the bit and leaned into how downright silly it could be, magic could be made. Any future inevitable reboots better keep this fact in mind if they have the grace to air on our television screen.
(If we’re talking reboots, either cast us or don’t bother at all).
Time for us to go listen to Loser Like Me ninety times in a row.
the blueprint. 