Actors Who Could Have Been Kens

Hi Barbie!

Barbie has taken over the world, and with it, over $1 billion dollars at the box office worldwide. While Barbie Fever continues to dominate, we thought it would be fun to do what we at the Blueprint do best…talk about himbos.

The mammoth cast for Barbie contains a gargantuan amount of Kens, with Ryan Gosling giving a pitch perfect performance as the quintessential (quintekential?) Ken, as we have probably all seen by now, but today we ask the crucial question we’ve all been thinking: who else would make a good Ken? And what kind of Ken would they be?

Fear not, for we have answers to this investigation. If The Blueprint started a casting agency (which, let’s be honest, would take over the world), these would be some cool picks for the wide variety of Kens shown in the movie.

First, let’s specify what makes a good Ken: the Kentry Requirements, if you will.

They really aren’t really far off the requirements to a himbo: pure of heart and clear of mind. What they lack in brains they make up for in endearing enthusiasm, basically. The only additional factor to that for a Ken, is that he possess as little sexuality as possible. 

Now that we’re all on the same page, here are some of our picks for who might have liked to see put their own spin on the iconic (iKENic?) character.

---

Joe Keery

It’s very hard to imagine this man with ‘as little sexuality as possible’ but there are exceptions to every rule. Think about some of Steve Harrington’s one-liners in Stranger Things, think about his wild, unhinged energy in Spree, think about his silly little outfits as Djo – it’s giving Wildcard Ken. Keery’s signature charm and enthusiasm to dive into something seemingly ridiculous and still give it a little heart and sincerity would have made the ideal Ken.

Chord Overstreet

This man played king of the wholesome himbos, Samuel Evans, for five seasons of television and most recently starred in a crappy campy Netflix holiday romcom. He has been completed his training and more.

Glenn Howerton

Was ‘Sociopath Ken’ ever a thing? No? Okay then, maybe someone should make a quick call to Mattel, see everyone soon. Howerton has made a living for almost eighteen years now being absolutely ridiculous at every turn as big ego-d, small brained Dennis (KENNIS) Reynolds, and his grandiose comedy stylings open a door to endless possibilities for kenanigans.

Glen Powell

He is pretty and does himbo so convincingly and has effortless chemistry with everyone has ever stood next to… how didn’t this happen? Powell’s resume suggests he has a stipulation in all of his movie contracts that states he has to play a character with Kenergy, or else he will explode. He was literally in Scream Queens, one of the campiest, most ridiculous TV shows of its era. Just another Ryan Murphy survivor who would be perfect in these roles. He and Chord Overstreet should write a book, provided either can find a single thought in their brains.

Tom Lenk

This man perfectly played a stroppy hostage who baked to pass the time in Buffy’s later seasons, and Tilda Swinton on stage: his theatricality gives him an immediate fast pass to the casting room.

Daniel Radcliffe 

In his post-Hogwarts career, Daniel Radcliffe has proved he is at his best when he is weird, particularly in comedic circles which is arguably where he shines the brightest. Putting his whole Radclussy into the kookiest, wackiest character seems to be what he enjoys doing now and who are we to stop him if he wanted to do exactly that with a bizarre discontinued Ken variant?

Darren Criss

His Glee wardrobe alone proves how well he’d fit in in Barbieland.

Chris Evans

Now hear us out – Chris Evans as a man instantly fails the aforementioned “lack of sexuality” requirement we outlined as an essential component to a successful Ken. We know this, don’t be silly. But, cast your horny brain aside (if we can do it, you can do it), remember how versatile Chris Evans is an actor, and remind yourself of his campy role in Not Another Teen Movie, or even Scott Pilgrim vs. The World or his take on Johnny Storm in Fantastic Four have elements of Kenergy. That is the Chris Evans we are casting. That being said, we do agree with Greta that Scott was the more fitting Evans for the part.

Alfie (K)Enoch

His stint on How to Get Away with Murder revealed a lot of sides of him that people didn’t really know that he had, and we’re willing to bet that there’s a beautiful Ken living inside of him that is just waiting to emerge.

Dan Howell & Phil Lester

Here’s one for the old school YouTube fans! Dan and Phil could so be the gay Kens that live in the dream house together. “These Kens have explored each other’s bodies!” –  do you see the vision?

Andrew Garfield

Have you seen his reading of Cher Horowitz’s speech on immigration he did for W Magazine? Man is waiting for an opportunity like this. While his filmography is stacked with characters who are renowned for their intelligence or savvy (Peter Parker, Eduardo Saverin, and Jonathan Larson just to rattle off a few), the man’s entire public persona is him being kind, polite, charming, and just the right amount of elusive. Put this man in a comedy stat!!

We’d like to pause to recognise the following handful of actors: who would be no-brainer, perfect Kens – but mostly because they’ve already done it:

Manny Jacinto as Jason in The Good Place

See any second of any one of his scenes in this show and you’ll require no more proof.

Jonathan Bailey as Sam in Crashing

He Ken-ned so hard and was blonde whilst doing it. This Ken is a sex addict! This Ken has a strange, codependent relationship with their gay bestie that involves constant physical affection and is absolutely NOT indicative of any homosexual feelings that he may possess…

Brad Pitt as Chad in Burn After Reading

Not a single thought in that man’s brain. Next!

Matt LeBlanc as Joey in Friends

This man is the original – the blueprint, you could say. Joey Tribiana does famously break the ‘sexuality’ rule of being a Ken extremely often, but his continuing and astonishing lack of any smarts combined with his unwavering adoration and loyalty for those he loves redeems him ten ken times over.

Now back to your regular scheduled Kentent:

Taylor Lautner

Not to diminish Lautner to only his most iconic role, but take away the angst and entitlement and keep the backflips and taking your shirt off at any given opportunity, and Jacob Black really is only an inch away from being the perfect Ken. It’s the most Ken thing ever to be sat in a tent with your romantic rival and say “Let’s face it, I am hotter than you”. Just keep Midge’s baby far away from him.

Toheeb Jimoh

This Ken is evolved – he knows about the patriarchy, but instead intentionally chooses to devote himself to spreading love and positivity to Barbies and Kens alike like a big, loving simp. He has the purest of Kenergy’s. 

Channing Tatum

I feel like we as a society don’t talk about The Lost City enough. We do, at the Blueprint, but that’s no big surprise. Anyway, if Barbie was made about ten years ago, we’d be confident in saying that Channing would be in the running. Stripper Ken anyone?

Jensen Ackles

If fifteen seasons of Supernatural blooper reels and fun concept episodes didn’t prove it, this is an actor who is willing to get silly. Put him in some bright, tiny shorts and assign him the job ‘Beach’, and he’ll throw his whole self into the role.

Jack Quaid

He sort of does a play on this in the opening few episodes of The Boys, but he does then begin to lose that along the way, and we’d just like to provide him with the opportunity to continue that original path even further and have no thoughts ever.

Daniel Kaluuya 

This was one that we thought fit, but we couldn’t figure out exactly what kind of Ken he would be. Perhaps it’s because of his gargantuan range as an actor (no but like he can do anything), but Kaluuya has the capacity to be a little bit silly if given the chance.

Noah Centineo

While it’s hard to think about Peter Kavinsky’s massive schlong being replaced by a smooth plastic undercarriage, we’ll make an exception because Mr Ken-tineo is such perfect casting. There is a link between perfect rom-com heartthrobs and perfect Kens – we’ll call that a Kenn diagram.

Freddie Prinze Jr

The man speaks for himself.

Cillian Murphy

Our final submission for a missing Ken is Oppenheimer himself. How in the two most stacked movie casts of all time was there not a single crossover performance? Aside from the idea of Murphy cameoing as a Ken tipping his fedora to Barbie being unfathomably funny, with his big blue eyes and ungodly bone structure, he’d fit into Barbieland seamlessly.

---

In Kenclusion

While we think that Greta Gerwig, alongside her kenomenal casting directors Lucy Bevan & Allison Jones, did a wonderful job handpicking their stellar male cast of himbos, it’s clear that Hollywood has more than a few more kentenders for actors who would have been a total Ken out of Ken.

So, if you’re the agent for Joe Keery, Noah Centineo, Chord Overstreet or any of the other talents on this list, consider how badly you fumbled the bag on booking them onto the movie of the year and respectfully, try harder next time. Thank you.

And if you’re interested in seeing these Ken’s counterparts: we have you covered. Check out Actresses Who Could Have Been Barbies on The Blueprint here.

Barbie: The Movie is in cinemas now