In The Blueprint’s quest to discover the finest Kens missing from the now billion dollar Barbie movie, the inevitable question: who would have been a perfect Barbie?
Now, where a good Ken has specific requirements that need to be met, a Barbie’s are different and definitely not as specific.
Barbie as a brand has purposefully evolved to create women who have minds, and souls, as well as just hearts. They’ve got ambition, and they’ve got talent, as well as just beauty (Greta Gerwig really was the perfect director for this movie, wasn’t she?). Basically, whatever kind of Barbie they are in whatever capacity, just imagine an actress you know pulling that billion-watt smile that’s so integral to Barbie, and see if it fits.
These are the women we think fit.
Let’s start with the Stereotypical Barbie’s:
Kathryn Newton
With her bouncy blonde hair, cute to toot outfits and pair of pretty white poodles, the Freaky and Quantumania star is the picturesque Barbie. As a talented actress and an avid and successful golf player, she’s a well rounded woman who couldn’t fit the bill better.
Paris Hilton
Perhaps the most stereotypical Stereotypical Barbie, it’d be an absolute crime not to have her on this list. She also literally gave her own collection of tiny dogs their own Dreamhouse – she’s devout.
Samara Weaving
As well as being a stunning actress of her own accord with a versatility not discussed as much as it deserves; imagine how funny a line up of other Stereotypical Barbie’s would be if it featured Weaving, a blonde Emma Mackey, and Jamie Pressly as women all compared to Margot Robbie in terms of looks.
Dianna Agron
She could do anything. Stereotypical Barbie, Skank Barbie, Pregnant Barbie, and that’s just things she did on Glee. Let us just think about Skank-Quinn Barbie for a few more seconds, yes? Nice.
Léa Seydoux
This stereotypical Barbie is so so French. And putting her in a really cute skirt and a beret sounds like a very good idea.
Career Barbies
Sarah Michelle Gellar
SMG is the indicated GOAT. President Barbie doesn’t begin to cover it: Universal and Galactic Overlord Barbie, perhaps? If this movie was made in the early 2000s, it would have been a no brainer to have her star as Margot Robbie’s Stereotypical turned-Self-Aware Barbie, and she would have executed it in the same flawless calibre she did Buffy Summers and Daphne Blake.
Gemma Chan
Scientist Barbie
Was her agent’s phone on silent or something the day the casting directors started calling around looking for Barbies? Because there is no understandable reason why this woman was not part of the lineup. Chan could have any career she wished in Barbieland, but as they were lacking some scientists, we’d put her in a pink labcoat and some goggles.
Shay Mitchell
Business Bitch Barbie
Shay may not have made it into the Barbie universe itself, but she secured the bag (excuse the pun) with a Barbie movie brand partnership with her luggage business that was so well executed it almost seemed like a plastic middle finger to the casting team for not putting her on set.
Sydney Sweeney
Mechanic Barbie
If Sydney Sweeney hadn’t already proven that she can do anything, becoming a sensation for her performances in Euphoria and The White Lotus, she then shows the world that she’s a mechanic on the side with a big love for vintage cars…what could be more ‘Barbie’ then the world having a preconceived notion of you that is completely and utterly shattered by your cool as fuck hobby that you have alongside your busy career life?
Kristin Chenoweth
Broadway Barbie/ Wine Aunt Barbie
This one’s for our Holidate girlies! Imagine a Barbie that harnessed the sheer chaotic power of Aunt Susan but also retained the angelic vocals and killer stage/screen presence that only this 4’11” pocket-Barbie could provide. Mattel are missing a trick by not letting us design Barbies, that’s for sure.
Ella Purnell
Soccer Player Barbie
The Yellowjackets brainrot is so real.
Hunter Schafer
Artist Barbie
An edgy Barbie so gifted she couldn’t be confused for Weird Barbie. She comes in paint stained dungarees with a little paint palette and a big old canvas, and interrupts most conversations to stop and sketch the moment. Or perhaps she just literally paints the daily sunsets onto that big Barbieland backdrop?
Violet Chacki
Fashion Designer Barbie
Two words: Tiny. Waist. Also an insane amount of talent across all forms of art, and the original designer of the print changing outfit revived recently as a Barbenheimer look. This Barbie deserved to win Drag Race, debate over.
Taylor Russell
Silver Screen Barbie
There are a lot of actresses throughout this list, but with Taylor Russell’s steadily and impressively rising star power and her wealth of to-die-for fashion movements of the last few years, she fits right in.
We’re giving more and more thought to the Blueprint Casting Agency as this post goes on because this feels like a no-brainer.
Taylor Swift
Country Music Barbie
Queen of the Swifties, Miss Taylor would be simply too powerful at her full form in Barbieland. So, we pitch that she play a caricature of her past self, and sit on a hay bale with her guitar in a cowboy hat.
Mermaid Barbies
Phillipa Soo
With that powerhouse voice, we would want nobody else to pop up out of the sea and sing to us and the rest of the Barbies. How could all the Kens not simp for someone who can hit those high notes that she reaches in Hamilton?
SZA
After seeing her live in concert, we can confirm that there is quite literally nobody prettier with more gorgeous mermaid hair. Her ethereal, siren voice would soundtrack Barbieland in the most beautiful of ways, and her radiant look would send Kens, Barbies and audiences alike into orbit. The hair department clearly knew what they were up against, and that’s why they settled on the much debated assortment of wigs they put Dua Lipa in.
Misc. Barbies
The Barbies we want to see, regardless of their role.
Vanessa Kirby
But what if she had the longest hair known to Barbiekind and also a really slay pair of earrings and just walked around Barbieland? Play that one TikTok sound of all the cats meowing and you will know how we feel about that one.
Micarah Tewers
This one’s niche but deserved: let’s walk you through it. There simply isn’t a more well-documented Barbie fan than this seamstress YouTuber who has recreated life-size versions of every season’s Holiday Barbie dress for herself for years and has a Barbie car. Her fun, manic energy proves she has the capability for whatever role she has to play, but her skill and beauty round out the whole package.
Hannah Waddingham
Again, could’ve been a Mermaid Barbie due to her killer pipes but, honestly, she’s just blonde and brilliant with a girlboss attitude (and a big, gorgeous smile) and that ticks every boxes in the Barbie Book for what makes a good Barbie.
Juno Temple
Juno comes close to being another Stereotypical Barbie, but we think she comes in a set with the Hannah Waddingham Barbie where they live together and have cute lunches with big handbags and earrings.
Rachel Zegler
While Zegler could easily be the final Mermaid Barbie with her unmatched vocals, we think she’d be just as fun as one of Barbie’s tiny little sisters in dungarees that comes with a tiny pet rabbit and some crayons.
The major point of the Barbie movie was to definitively yell to the masses that yes, women and girls are beautiful, but they are so, so much more than that, and our line up of women is just a small example of that.
We do not want a Barbie 2, but now that the Barbie movie has proved that women who don’t have to sacrifice femininity for strength sells hard at the box office, we’d like to see all of the above women in big screen roles to continue to showcase it.
See our compre-kensive list of Actors Who Could Have Been Ken on The Blueprint here.
Barbie: The Movie is in cinemas now
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